32 years ago today, my life began. Oh, wonder at what wonders I have seen. The world has changed and I have changed too. But not in synchronicity.
When I was born, we had no internet, no cell phones, no mp3s. My world was simple. And now, I remember my forgetfulness on my best of days and forget my remembrances on my worst. Events and necessities swirl in a tornado of to-do’s, destroying the oak trees and park benches, throwing about the beautiful debris of preferred preoccupations. And, as many try in the midst of such storms, I run, and I am so busy running I miss the beauty anyway, without so much as a glance to remember what I have missed.
Does silence only belong to the young? Or was it to a generation? Does silence still live or have we killed it?
If I have found something missing most, it is a sense of belonging. If I were being honest, I don’t feel as though I have a true home for my heart. I feel… homesick. Homesick for a home I have never known, never seen. I guess I don’t even know if such a place exists. Can it be created if not? I have no answers.
After this many years, I thought I would have some. Yet, the void of answers is not frightening. Questions bring me comfort in knowing that my curiosity will never be sated. And though for every answer I learn, two questions pounce upon me from the grass, the greatest answers have been revealed to me. I know that there is a God, and I know that I am never alone for that. I know that there may be no home for my heart in this world, but I always have one in heaven.
There is something terribly apropos about God being the only answer. All the more, I see that I am a question. My existence, my being, my every day is a question to others. I am not an answer, not for anyone yet anyway. And no person is an answer to me, again not yet.
My prayer is that I will always be a question to others. Let me never accept the world as it is, never accept anything for the sake of accepting it. Let me challenge hate and cruelty and wickedness in all its forms, and ask people if they can’t see that there is a better way.
Above all, let the only answer I show the world for the rest of my life be God.