By the heart

So I am still feeling rather sick. Still no idea what is going on despite a plethora of tests and doctor’s appointments. In spite of it all, it is not the pain or illness that commands my mind, but a girl.

It makes no sense. She doesn’t even care about me. She barely even talks to me now. And yet, there she is.

More than my own health, I pray that she would just talk to me, even a word would do. I have known no greater hell than the confines of my heart, walled by the physical ailments which keep me from even seeing her in passing. Yet, if I could just hear her… yet, I am forgotten. Despite the hurt she has inflicted, I would bear it all and more if I could just hear her.

Foolish. I am a fool worthy of kings. Such a fool that I mock even myself.

Gladly I would be a fool if it meant being a fool beside her. And yet, I am a fool away from her, and I cannot cease being so. By each breath, my foolishness waxes and hopes wane. How can someone mean so much to me when I mean so little to someone? I am baffled and befuddled, besotted and stupefied.

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