Today is my first full day back home from the hospital. I was there from about 7 A.M. Sunday until 3 P.M. Monday. Still not feeling great, but, strange though it is to write, as always seems to be the case with me, the time in the hospital was good.
It made me realize who actually cares about me, and by proxy who doesn’t. I am truly blessed with some of the most wonderful friends in the world. I am also cursed with caring for some who do not care about me. But knowing that you are a friend to those who are not a friend to you is fine with me so long as I know where I stand with that individual.
My time in the hospital could not but help make me wax a bit poetic and philosophical. During my time in the emergency room before I was admitted, a baby, probably not more than 3 months old, was in the room adjacent to mine. There I was laying in my bed, lamenting and miserable for the suffering I was in, and all I have known up to my age of 31, while a child who has not seen even so many weeks as I have years suffered beside me. How dare I be upset? How dare I wipe my tears at the skies when God has given me so very much that this dear child has not even known a chance to have?
Humbled is the only way I can describe myself in that moment. No, my health has not suddenly improved but my spirit has. After being admitted, I could not, nor would I have wanted to, shake that thankfulness. I had a beautiful view of the outside from my bed. The calm pale sun rested its head upon the thin layer of snow on the ground. And while death has not yet done more than whisper to me, I was thankful for such a view if it was to be my last.
Someday, when my final sight has come, I can only hope that I will see such beauty to bear with me to heaven. Though, I must amend that. Beautiful though it was, there is no more beautiful sight than of those that love you by your side. To know that you are not alone, to know that another has put you before everything else in their life, to give to you even a moment of that most precious resource which cannot be replenished nor even be measured, is ineffable. To put words to it is impossible for only tears can speak the heart’s movement thereof.
I don’t know what will happen to me from here. I don’t know anything further than this moment. All I do know is that God is good and that I am blessed with more than I deserve.