Prompt: You’re at work, like any normal day, and happen to look out the window as you head to the break room for a second cup of coffee. What you see makes you stop in your tracks: What is it?
Coffee splattered across the tile floor, missing Jake’s cup as he gaped at the window.
“What the f—,” he yelled, throwing his mug and the coffee pot across the break room.
“Whoa, Jake, calm down, buddy,” a voice behind him said. “What happened?”
“That idiot, Ed, just smacked his car door into mine. I’ll kill him! I’ll kill that stupid, son of a —!”
He darted from the building, a wolf after its prey. “Ed! What the hell is your problem!”
Ed stood between the cars assessing an array of scrapes and dents, looking towards Jake as he howled his fury. Ed’s pale skin shimmered in the one o’clock sun, his red eyes glinting from behind a pair of sunglasses lowered past the bridge of his nose.
“It was an accident, calm down. You’re acting like an animal. As usual…”
“What did you just call me?” Jake bared his teeth, snarling the words through their grinding.
“I said that you act more like a mongrel than a man. Got a problem with that?” he said, removing his sunglasses and hanging them from the breast pocket of his black dress shirt.
Jake roared, crashing towards him in a sightless frenzy, spittle littering the air he passed. He slashed the distance between them; Ed stepped back ever so slightly as Jake leapt off the ground.
Jake didn’t have time to avoid the coupe door as it erupted open.
He writhed on the ground, a trickle of blood, the color of Ed’s car, dribbled from his nose. A smattering of red paint flecks peppered his face, barely noticeable from between Jake’s groping fingers.
Jake stood above him, grinning like a crow that knows it has bested an eagle. “Hit by a car. Definitely an animal.”
He reached into his right pocket and pulled out a checkbook. Scribbling quickly, he tore a check from its place and let it go. The check drifted down, landing on Jake’s chest as he continued to groan and huff.
“Next time, be a good dog and stay on your leash. That will cover whatever it will cost you to fix your door. If you have any problems with the check, come see me in accounts payable.”
Lest there be any doubt: yes, this is a comic take on the bleh that is Twlight. I saw the prompt and for some reason imagined the two brotagonists as coworkers in an cubicle style office. Maybe after they finally graduated high school and had to get real jobs instead of doing whatever absurd crap they were doing before. If any of that is inaccurate, that is because I have neither read more than laughable excerpts from the book nor watched more than laughable clips from the movie.