In the absence

After any great time of business, I find myself in a peculiar void of thought. It always takes a week to get my mind back to its free, unchained state. Paused. That is how it feels. It feels like all of my thoughts, my emotions, are paused.

I am in such a moment now. My heart is silent and yet reels with discontent as though a mute trying to scream. The hurricane and its eye are one within me.

Moreso, the I had considered dispersed was merely delayed. It has taken a new form but the result is the same: I must say goodbye to someone I care for very much. Will she try to convince me not to say goodbye? Does it matter? Will actions ever match words, hopes?

Ugh. My mind rattles in the stillness. Only noise stills it.

What will come next? What storm brews in such moments? Why do I always have so many questions but so few answers?

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