In thyself, believe

Do you believe in yourself? Amazing how the “Yes-or-No” question can be the most difficult and nuanced. Perhaps it is only my experience, but most people can’t answer that as a straight “yes”. It tends to be a definite “kinda”.

If we were being honest, I would say that I tend towards that same answer. “Kinda”. Somehow, I manage to accept such nonsense in my own heart while refusing to see it in the hearts of those I love. Funny, it just went through my head that it is better to believe in other people more than yourself. But that is absurd. As though doing one alone were sufficient!

I will always believe in those for whom I care. But by God, I will find faith in myself. I find more of it every day. All the more, if I don’t believe in myself, run unbound by fetters towards my dreams, how can I tell others to do the same?; my actions and words turn into magnetic poles: never meeting, driving each other apart if they draw near.

And really how can I not believe in myself? Even in no one else believes in me, I must believe in myself. Precisely for that reason, I must. No one else is going to believe in me for me. If someone tells me they have faith in me but I don’t believe it, what is it worth?

Nothing. Which is exactly what I will be if I don’t believe in me. And I know that I am not nothing. I meant very literally what I wrote earlier, “by God, I will find faith in myself”. God is the reason I believe in myself at all, why I love myself. The more nearly I see from His eyes, the more nearly I come to seeing my true worth.

Second chances can not be taken for granted and certainly not wasted. I can not waste mine. I have a purpose to which I run. Now, I must run.

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