Diary of a Christian skeptic

It is a strange thing that I have ended up as a Christian. I am by nature very skeptical of well… everything. Then again, I would argue that when faced with truth, we cannot continue in skepticism.

There is a wonderful side effect to this natural skepticism: I don’t accept things within Christianity at the word of anyone. I have, and hope that I will always, question what I am told. I question why we do certain things within the church, why we believe certain things.

As a result, I have found myself a faith not unlike Dostoyevsky: “I believe in Christ and confess him not like some child; my hosanna has passed through an enormous furnace of doubt.” That is not say that I have not found the faith of a child as espoused by the Bible. Rather, I know full well that the doubts of reason and skepticism are unfounded in the face of such faith. Reason leads me back to my faith, my skepticism to question how to be formed more like Christ in rooting out false traditions and contrarion beliefs.

Such a faith is strong, vibrant, sure. In the midst of darkness, I find myself more sure of God. My surety lies in Him and the Bible alone. My mind tears down the veils man makes to once more separate ourselves from Him. Not that I am perfect and do not make such foolish veils myself, but at the least I do not add any other’s to my own.

And this leaves me at a purgatory of sorts (in a metaphorical sense, I do not believe in purgatory as a metaphysical place). I am, in many ways, looked at as crazy by both American Christians and non-Christians. I accept neither the wars and the “justice” of the death penalty of American Conservatives, nor the right to abort what in my mind constitutes a life of American Liberals. A heretic to one, a fool to the other.

So be it.

If I am crazy, it is only because I am not crazy in the same way this world is crazy. If my faith be based in Christ, in the Word, then my way is sure and I would rather stand damned by my fellow American Christians than accept their “faith”. Without my skepticism, I would have been a dog to either American ideology and found my faith formed around it. Indeed, at one time I believed in war and supported it because I thought it was the “Christian” thing to do. Instead, my skepticism has caused me to question what I ought to believe based solely upon the Word of God. And here I found that it was not my faith that changed, but myself that changed to mirror it.

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